As a child I had huge difficulty in deciding upon names for my dolls. I could never find names that I liked. I can remember that I eventually called my main doll "Barbara" but even then I wasn't very keen on it and often tried to think of alternative names for her, without success. The naming of my cats, over the years, has been a similar problem. When 10 years ago I brought home sister and brother kittens from the Cats Protection League I just could not think of good names for them and eventually came up with Pickle and Pepper. Afterwards I realised just how twee the two names were together but by then the black cat then named Pepper started to bring in his kill and live captures. The Husband said "we ought to call him Nimrod the Mightly Hunter instead". So we did.
I think the problem is that I have always been aware that I disliked the names given to me by my parents, particularly my first name I don't use here (not Val, which was and still is my second given name). Eventually, after over 50 years on this earth I came to the conclusion that why should I continue to live with a first name thaat I didn't like. I was also aware that it had not taken much time or difficulty to get used to my new surname when I married.
It took some time to find a name I did like for myself but one day, when I was at a conference at the Metropolitan Hotel, Brighton and listening to something extremely boring while sitting under an air conditioning outlet and trying to stop thinking just how cold I was, a name that I liked and wanted to be callled suddenly popped into my head.
It is a bit of a fiddle to change your name as there are so many places where your name is registered. Also to change your name legally is some places, like bank and savings accounts, shares, etc, etc all require official documentation. Fortunately a quick surf of Google found a reasonably local company that would do a Deed Poll Certificate for me for only about £20.
Generally changing my name has been successful and virtually everyone uses my new name. The only exceptions are my mother who hates my new name and insists on calling me by my old first name (which she chose, so I can understand her on this) and my hairdresser who only sees me once a month and was used to my old name and sometimes forgets my new one.
I think the main problem over the naming of babies is that parents are required to register the name(s) of the baby so shortly after birth, when the child's character has yet to emerge. So I would urge everyone who dislikes their name not to be afraid to consider changing it to something you feel better suits you.
On this track I have found a very funny website called "Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing - A Primer on Parent Cruelty" where some parents have come up with some very imaginative names for their children, either already here and suffering from the names they have been given or still to be born and to have a daft moniker given to them. There are 15 pages of the website and so it will take a time to read. Thus it is an ideal site to read in the hiatus between Xmas and the New Year when times hangs heavy and you need something to laugh at.
6 comments:
Naming is so difficult. At a rebellious stage of my life, I dropped my middle name (which was in common with my mother's middle name) and changed my last name--to a name that had no connotation that I "belonged" to someone else! That done, the whole thing was a stupid exercise. Although I'm very comfortable with my name--and feel that it is precisely "me", I needlessly and heedlessly hurt my mother in rejecting "her" name and went to a great bother in changing everyone over to my new last name. Had I to live it over, again, I would (graciously?) accept the name applied to me at birth--and never change it a smidgeon. But, I'm not going through another name change to get there--and it's too late to do anything for my poor, dead mother.
Roll forward a generation. One of our children did not care for her middle name; so, I offered to pay the court costs to legally change her middle name to one of her choosing, as an 18th birthday present. Whatever the reason, she chose to keep her middle name--and still has it (although, she only uses the initial, of course.)
In general: Why do women change their last names? All it does is to confuse everyone around them--for life. I've no idea where any of my friends from 50 years are, nor any chance of "finding" them what with assorted name changes. Well, let me change that: the girls who lived next door to me are well-enough known that I know rather vaguely where they are. One has been elected and served as a representative to the national congress in a district of the state where I live, The other is married to a man who once sought the nomination of a major political party, for the presidency--which I know only because my mother kept me posted.
And finally, Val, by whatever name you are known, you are still a wonderfully sweet rose, to me!
Cop Car
It is so easy to change ones nam, and the consequences of doing so can be really great, that there needs lots of thought before one takes such an action, Certainly I thought about the concept of changing my name for years, perhaps decades before i actually decided to do so. And I have never regretted it (other than all the fuss and administration necessary to tell all the official organisations that I have done so).
My mother doesn't like my new name, and that is her perogative given that she chose the original one. However. I made it clear to her that this was nothing to do with her. To some extent she has continued what could be called a campaign of passive resistance in continuing to call me by my original forename. But when she had to write me a cheque for some money she owed me she just wrote my new initial without any fuss or argument at all. I don't think she was really hurt by my decision, just making a point (LOL).
The whole subject of changing ones surname to ones spouse on marriage is an interesting one. I decided to do so. Many do not. To some extent I think I prefer the concept to hyphenating both surnames together and both parties taking on the new much longer name. At least it has the advanttage of letting the world knoow that it is a partnership, rather than (what could be called) the subjugation of one by marriage to another.
I am fascinated to see what may happen on this front in future.
A "wonderfully sweet rose". Thank you, what a compliment, although that infers I have pricles too (grin - I'm not serious). I do appreciate you friendship - you make me feel respected and a better person at times, the true measure of a friend. Warm and intelligent, like a cat that decides to be with you and to be your friend.
Awww, Val. How nice of you. You know that I'm a cat person so that I would understand your comparison.
Names: Where and when we were first married, I was required to HH's last name as my legal name. So much has changed since then. In my saner moments, I've always thought that a girl should bear her mother's last name while a boy should bear his father's--rather as we pass our mitochondrial DNA through the female line and Y-chromosomes through the male line. It really shouldn't matter what people call us...but it does!
Cop Car
Cop Car,
I'm glad you understood my allusion to cats. I did mean it as a real compliment but am aware that some, perhaps cat haters, wouldn't understand and prehaps consider it as an insult.
Yes, I agree. Names do tend to be important and often tend to leave an impression of a person, often misleading. I find your suggestion that girls should carry their mother's maiden names really fascinating. That would make mine August - an uncommon name I think I would like to have. However, such a social change seems to me to be unlikely - but then I'd never thought that civil partnerships between same sex partners would become law less than 40 years after homosexuality became legal.
August would be an interesting name to adopt. Going back five generations, matrilinially (nyyhh--who knows how to spell it?), which is as far as I know, my last name should be Brevard.
Cop Car
Cop Car, Brevard is a nice name. It sounds French. Do your ancesters originate from France?
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