Babies and Charity

The Times has started a new “agony page” once a week with the always good Bel Mooney providing wonderful wise advice to those who wrote in. This weeks column appeared today. The main letter was from a lady who is still suffering after having a stillborn son 36 years ago. Much of the letter is not germain to what I want to talk about today, although still of real value. However, in replying Bel discussed her own stillborn child and said:

"My story is to confirm the truth of your letter: that it does go on and on — the grief, the longing, the endless tattoo of “what if . . .”, which can so exhaust the heart. People don’t understand how the loss of a child you carried but never cuddled can continue to possess you — especially for our generation, because the medical profession then did not understand what they do now: that the parents of stillborn children need some ritual of closure. So one is left with an aching emptiness, and since nature abhors a vacuum, into it pours the cumulative sorrow of our needs and weaknesses. I felt it was my fault our baby died, a sort of punishment."

I have never had a baby. Neither have I ever been pregnant. Throughout my life I have never really regretted this (I have a wonderful relationship with my two now grown-up stepchildren). So I can never properly understand the anguish and suffering a woman goes through when she loses a child, whether during their pregnancy or at birth or when the child is older or even an adult. I know this. However, in chosing a charity to support, as I discussed in my piece two days ago “My Crafting Dilemma” I hope that what I now do for a charity will help at least a few women, and perhaps their partners.

I am now helping to make blankets for a charity which attempts to support the families dealing with the loss of their baby through miscarriage or stillbirth. Volunteers make blankets, hooded wraps or burial gowns. The charity says:

"Sadly we still lose babies. From the tiniest prematures to full term size. We would like to be able to have a blanket for each of these babies. Mums and Dads can nurse their little angel in their blanket in the precious little time they have together. The mums and dads are then given their baby's blanket as a memento of their little one to provide a little comfort in the painful months and years that lay ahead for them."

I now make blankets for premature babies in 4 ply baby yarn. about 14-15 ins square. The website has a free pattern page that can be used. I use a shell stitch pattern that I found in a crochet book that I have here at home.

I do encourage everyone to try to help. It does not take long to make a blanket, whether in 4 ply or double knit baby yarn. And the charity really needs as many volunteers as they can get. Please help.